Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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