Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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