ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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