i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
