I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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