I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
