Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
