My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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