You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
