Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
