This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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