Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
