watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
