I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
