so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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