Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
