my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
