arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
