if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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