Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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