and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
