her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
