I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
