dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
