I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
