I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
