Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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