hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
