dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
