What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
