My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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