Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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