dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think my vagina is haunted
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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