I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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