Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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