someone get that fucking seahorse.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
