i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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