I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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