I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
