I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
