i just wanna soil my oats bro
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
