It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
