remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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