He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
