Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
