I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize