I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
