Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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