I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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