i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
