I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
