She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
