You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
