...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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