I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize