The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
