I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
