am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
