True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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