Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
