Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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