Cold hands, warm shart.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
