I'm really into asian looking animals
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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