So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize