In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How external is "for external use only"?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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