dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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