Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
