I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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