Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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