so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
