i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
