I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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